Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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