we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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