Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's shark week go big or go home
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
