He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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