i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
