I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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