I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
foreskin is a definite game changer
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
