shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
