Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
