just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
