New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Say something about gay babies.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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