Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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