in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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