Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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