Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize