i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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