...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
