I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
