Got a toothbrush?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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