hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
