: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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