Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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