Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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