I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You ruined the universe
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
