you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
