Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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