I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize