dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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