Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
