so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
