in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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