new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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