she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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