If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
