Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
