i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
