She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
