the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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