You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
