Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
