He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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