I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
