Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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