Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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