I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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