I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
