what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
