exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
