Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize