well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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