Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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