I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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