I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
