I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
