No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
