My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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