What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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