It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
