You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
