We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize