Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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