don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
