There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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