That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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