Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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