I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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