i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
