You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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